Fly on the E-Commerce Cyberwall

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

The Sure Sign that Perfectionism Is Hurting You
Yesterday, I told you about a discussion I was in a couple of weeks ago about perfectionism. Many in that discussion saw themselves as perfectionists. And they saw their perfectionism as something that helped them get things done and done well.

As someone who has struggled all my life with the destructive aspects of perfectionism, I see a very dark side to it. That dark side is fear based.

I see it in myself and I see it in many others with whom I have worked. I see it used as an excuse for procrastination: "Oh, I can't let anyone see this until it's perfect." Or I see it used to justify inaction: "I just can't get this perfect, so I won't even try."

I've seen it affect self-worth: "If I don't get this perfect, people won't accept me." And this dark perfectionism is often the doorway into self-destructive behavior and even addiction: "I don't measure up. I can't measure up. I can't stand the pain of not measuring up. I need something to dull that pain."

Whether that dark side of perfectionism is limited merely to fear of trying something new or goes to the extreme of being the root of behavior that destroys lives, fear is the clearest sign that the kind of perfectionism you experiencing is destructive rather than constructive.

Fearful perfectionism, ironically, keeps you from getting results that come anywhere near perfection. It locks you into predetermined ideas of what the results should be. Those predetermined ideas prevent you from finding true excellence. They focus you so much on making everything turn out exactly the way you envisioned it at first that you overlook opportunities that could lead to even better outcomes.

And those predetermined ideas are almost never attainable. They rely on everything turning out exactly as you originally envisioned, every step of the way. And anyone who has tackled any kind of project knows that nothing ever turns out exactly as planned in every detail. Adapting to what happens along the way is essential to any endeavor.

So what do you think? Have you seen this kind of destructive perfectionism in yourself? In others? What have you or others done to overcome it? I'd like to hear your insights on this.

Tomorrow, we'll look at being a perfectionist and still adapting to changing situations.

Jeff

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