Fly on the E-Commerce Cyberwall

When Being a Perfectionist Means Settling for Other than "Perfect"

Like I've said the past couple of days, I'm a perfectionist in the bad sense. I'm a perfectionist who agonizes over getting everything to match my preconceived idea of "perfect" even when the results I've gotten are more perfect for the current situation than my preconceived one is.

So it threw me for a loop in the discussion about perfectionism I was in a couple of weeks ago when others brought up examples of "good perfectionism." Perfectionism, in its good sense, has to be ready to accept results that, ironically, are less than perfect.

One person brought up an example of preparing a three-course dinner and finding that he didn't have the time to prepare everything exactly the way he had planned. His solution was to adapt.

He said he would most likely eliminate one of the courses so he could have the dinner ready at the time he had told his guests. He said his wife, on the other hand, would be more likely to prepare all three courses, but explain to the guests that the dinner would be slightly delayed.

In both cases, they sought to prepare the meal they had promised as well as possible. They sought excellence. They sought perfection. But both of them sought the best possible results for the circumstances rather than bemoaning the fact that they had "failed" to produce the exact results they had originally intended.

They adapted to the circumstances. They redefined their expectations on the fly to still produce a favorable outcome.

Not only that, but they likely would take away from the experience some ideas of how to improve the next time. They enjoy what they accomplished and use the setbacks to make the next time even better.

The self-destructive side of perfectionism would try to present the full three courses at the appointed time. That kind of perfectionist considers nothing more than the fear of losing face if everything is not exactly as planned.

Unfortunately, that leads to shoddy work. The dinner gets done poorly and probably a little late anyway. Then the cook spends the whole meal either apologizing or eying the guests for any sign of displeasure.

The self-destructive perfectionist finds no enjoyment in what they accomplished and learns nothing that can lead to future improvement because they are totally focused on themselves.

Positive perfectionism can view any experience as part of a learning process that leads to ever improving results.

Striving for perfection in a good way has to be divorced from self-worth. It has to focus on results. And it has to be willing to see each effort as a step on the journey to perfection instead of as one effort that needs to lead to the final destination. Seeking perfection has to be a habit, not a one-time shot.

Let me know what you think. What role does adaptation play in perfectionism, whether in the positive form of perfectionism or the self-destructive form? How have you found yourself adapting your expectations? How have you gotten yourself out of negative forms of perfectionism into good ones?
Jeff

Labels: business success, mindset, perfectionism